


the unspoken end of times

by gendrys



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, F/F, Lowercase, Zombie Apocalypse, inspired by TLOU2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25009678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gendrys/pseuds/gendrys
Summary: feelings were not linear, yong realized with a drink in hand, especially not in a post-apocalyptic world scenario where she happened to be in love with her best friend.
Relationships: Kim Yongsun | Solar/Moon Byulyi | Moonbyul
Comments: 12
Kudos: 110





	1. dance

the mist covered hills beyond the wooden walls looked strangely inviting. nobody had ventured beyond the perimeter for years, only the most experienced ones were assigned to undertake tasks inside the nearest city. and even if kim yongsun had spent almost eight years developing her abilities to fight and survive, she was still kept in local patrol duties. 

it was fine. or so she liked to think. the outside world frightened her as much as it intrigued her. twelve years had passed since the outbreak in south korea. ten since yongsun found a then small village that she’d help expand and defend. many had arrived ever since, some with ill intentions, others with the only purpose of looking for food and a place to belong to. 

five years ago moon byulyi had been one of those. yong remembered the day she arrived with such clarity she always thought only days had passed. clothes torn, black hair cut short, knife wounds all over her arms and chest, eyes lost in a void yongsun was not sure she’d want to ever explore. 

that person had changed with time, letting her true self blossom once she realized this place was to be trusted. loud and annoying while also caring and brave were things that made yongsun despise her and love her at the same time. 

_ love. _

for years the pair had been dancing around an unspoken feeling. it was stupid, really, but it was also frustrating. just when yongsun thought they were getting close to discovering the impalpable, they would both run away from it as if it were to bite them. 

the thoughts of the slightly shorter woman were interrupted when a jacket was unceremoniously tossed on her head, making a mess of her already disheveled and dirty short, blonde hair. 

she huffed when an unmistakable chuckle reached her ears. 

“you looked cold. i’m just trying to be nice.” byulyi shrugged. the sleeves or her oversized red flannel rolled up to her elbows. the scars caused by the knife used to kill her loved ones all those years ago were still visible. yong tried not to stare most of the time. 

“and you aren’t?” yongsun argued back. despite the discontent in her voice, she still slipped into the warm jacket gleefully, trying to hold back a thankful smile. that’s what they always did. that’s what they were comfortable with doing. 

dancing around the inevitable. 

“a bit. i care more about you being warm, though.” 

ah, there it was. that greasiness that made the eldest want to throw byulyi off the tallest watch-tower around the village. 

except she wouldn’t. not really. she would never say it out loud but she’d truly miss those stupid comments of hers. they made her feel funny inside. 

“shut up and freeze to death then.” was the answer that she was able to come up with eventually. 

byulyi laughed and in that moment, it was all that mattered to her. 

⋉⋇⋊

they were relieved from their watch after midnight. the walk back home was always silent, always alert. even inside the village there had been incidents. maybe not infected biting their people, but wherever there are bars there are fights, and in a place full of weapons there is always trouble. 

not on that night, though. yong’s cabin -  _ their  _ cabin - was one of the last ones in the compound. it might not have been as big as the ones in the front, but yongsun was always thankful for the quietude the alienation provided. her sister lived with her until she got married and left to live in one of the bigger houses. 

yongsun didn’t have much time to enjoy her peace before byulyi was kicking the door open, dragging her whatever little luggage she owned behind. it was something they never really talked about either, and when the pair changed into more comfortable clothing and cuddled under the blankets to sleep, the words yong wanted to say died on her lips like they did every night. 

⋉⋇⋊

the fields were never really byulyi’s favorite task of the day. too much dirt. too much sun boiling her skin. too much crouching. too much getting her good pair of sneakers filthy. 

the more byul complained, the more yong loved it. it was a tad boring compared to patrol duties or killing infected, granted. but at the same time it was tranquil and silent, other than byulyi tripping over some roots.

sometimes she liked to be there only to close her eyes and pretend nothing in the world had changed. the years hadn’t been able to take away the trauma of seeing her friends die or the anxiety of waking up in the middle of the night, tangled in byul’s arms, with her revolver in hand. 

byulyi had nightmares too sometimes. that’s why they slept in the same bed, or that was the excuse they’d been able to come up with at least. a knife had been used to murder her loved ones and so byul had become an expert with them. 

a kitchen knife under the pillow. a machete hanging from her hip. a dagger hidden up her sleeve. a cutter in her right boot. a different type of knife for every scar on her arms. 

she didn’t like guns. nobody did, really. but yong always thought they were quicker to use when coming across an infected. one. three. five. however many. 

there weren’t many around, not that close to their village anyway. truth be told, yongsun hadn’t seen one in months. not ever since her last trip to the nearest store to get whatever canned food her and the rest of her group could find. 

the man - if it had ever been a man - ran out the janitor’s closet during their inspection. a new guy had been attacked but not bitten. the sound of the bullet crashing into the corpse’s skull still lived in yong's mind. the stain that a piece of flying brain had left on her favorite yellow shirt was still there. the stench was still up her nostrils if she was able to concentrate enough on it. 

patrol was fun until it wasn’t. 

and they were supposed to go out of the perimeter the following afternoon. it was the first time byulyi would go with her group because hyejin was sick. 

leading a group of averagely experienced people inside their safe zone was one thing. leading a group of people, byulyi among them, outside of their established area was something entirely different. 

sometimes yong really wished she hadn’t been picked as the leader of group meta. 

“are you alright?” byul asked from under the shadow of a large tree. it was clear that she’d given up on tending to the corn, choosing to sit back while munching happily on a peach. 

rolling her eyes at the usual sight, yong replied, “i’m always alright.” 

“nobody is alright in here.” 

a bit irked, yongsun finally walked over to where her friend -  _ friend? -  _ was sitting. “so why are you so insistent on asking me if i am?” 

“i-” a second. two. a bite to a juicy peach. “i just worry about you.” 

was she just teasing her or being honest? yong could never really tell with moonbyul. maybe it was one of her greasy jokes attempting to uselessly masquerade the truth behind it. 

the unspoken truth. 

warmth rising on her cheeks, the group leader tried her best to come up with a witty comeback, much like the night before. “you’re exhausting.” were the only words she was able to formulate in the end. being with byulyi always did that to her. 

a wink from the black-haired woman was her tipping point. a tomato served its purpose by hitting byul right on the chest, ruining her white t-shirt. the profanities that followed the act let yong know that she’d won that one. 

_ i care about you too.  _

a silent prayer.

⋉⋇⋊

their hospital - or the large house they liked to call a hospital - was running out of supplies. whatever they could find would be useful. that had been their continuous mantra during the post-apocalyptic world they had to live in now. from time to time they’d come across old, scratched CDs that byulyi managed to play somehow in the old CD player. 

she loved music. they both did. byul had a notebook to write down her songs and so did she. they never showed their work to one another, though. neither did they sing them out loud. those were their own. their thoughts, their feelings, their inner selves poured out in those writings and they were only for their eyes to read. 

a broken cd case lied on the floor of the pharmacy they were at. it was one of yong’s favorite. she already had it, but having a backup wouldn’t hurt her. with a triumphant smile, the leader opened her empty backup and slid the cd in. 

“make sure to check every corner.” she instructed when the group of 5 had neared the building. it was empty, mostly. there were some boxes full of pills that had expired a while ago. yong wondered if the local nurse could still do something with them. she put some into her blue backpack just in case. 

“i’m checking the back.” byulyi said. it wasn’t a question and she was most definitely not following an order yongsun had given. but that’s what byulyi did. she never asked yong, she only let her know what she was going to do. 

yong couldn’t do much but nod. “be careful.” it was more of an order with sweet hidden intent than a direct one. 

“yes, mam.” 

the sound of the back door creaking let her know that byul was onto her task. the lack of noise afterwards let her know that there was nothing to worry about in there. this made her let out a sigh of relief she didn’t know she’d been holding the entire time and with it, her shoulders relaxed for a moment. 

it wasn’t that often that yong allowed herself to be at peace. not while being the leader of a group in a scouting mission for medical supplies for the first time in a while. patrol was definitely different from going on missions. not while being one of those that was regarded as one of the main rules in the village. not while living in the middle of a post-apocalyptic world. 

the windows of the pharmacy were tinted, the halls dusty, the walls wasted away, and the shelves almost empty. but somehow, it still held a sense of familiarity to yongsun that she often missed while she lied in her bed next to a sleepy moonbyul, seeing the stars out of her small window. 

the feeling of byulyi’s breath tickling her neck as she played with her hair distracted her for a second. in the reality they lived in, yongsun knew that a second was all it took for everything to go terribly wrong. 

the leader felt herself be dragged away forcefully by the hand at the same time the sound of gunshots were heard outside, windows breaking and falling like the guys from the group that had been near them. 

a shot. a thud. a scream. 

start again. 

repeat.

yong tried to fight her way out of the insisting claws that had a hold of her, pulling her back down a hallway that got darker and darker the more she went it. soon enough, a door was locked right in front of her eyes by a shaky moonbyul with blood on her fingers. 

a dead man was lying to their right, poorly hidden behind a few empty boxes. throat sliced wide open. blood still sputtering freely out of the finely slit veins. 

moonbyul’s work. 

“come on.” byulyi whispered in a hurry, trying to get a sealed window to open with the least noise she could possibly make. bandits or infected, there was really no difference to what sounds would attract. whatever it was, it could still kill them.

“my- my group.” she stammered, eyes still fixed on the locked door. 

“yong.” the nickname was usually said in a softer tone, not in a frantic one. it only made yongsun’s anxiety rise even higher. 

“we have to go back. we - we have to save them.” 

“they’re dead, yong. and if we don’t get out of here, we will be too.” 

torn. she felt completely torn. there were times when byulyi would have to take on the role of leader, but that was only during their farming or training activities. never during a mission. never during a life or death situation. 

that was yong’s job. yong’s responsibility. it was everything that invaded yong’s mind before she went to bed and as soon as she woke up from the little sleep she was able to get.

and yet, if it weren’t for byulyi, she would no longer be breathing. 

it felt wrong. it felt like failure. it felt like - 

“yong. let’s go. now.” 

with her patience having run out already, byul was quickly to pull her  _ friend  _ to her feet when the window was finally cleared. 

it was stupid. the great kim yongsun whom everybody regarded as one of the founding fathers of their little safe-haven being hauled around in order to assure her survival by a beginner scout on her first mission duty. 

the great founding mother had gotten her team killed and hadn’t done a thing to prevent it. 

her feet collided with the hard floor outside the pharmacy, followed by byul’s way better-looking backpack. then it was the youngest turn. the way she gracefully slipped out of the window made yong remember her earlier days, her younger days. 

granted, she was not an old hag like wheein liked to call her, but after all the infected she had taken down, injuries she had suffered, raiders she’d fought, people she’d lost, she was not the same energetic, smart leader she once was. 

as soon as byul met the floor beneath, the room they had been hiding in echoed with gunshots and loud gasps. 

ah, so the guy byulyi had silently killed was one of them. 

“oh, fuck me.” the black-haired girl groaned in frustration. 

from the inside, all they heard was  _ we will hunt both of you bitches down!  _ before they were swallowed by the large forest behind the drugstore. 

⋉⋇⋊

they were not lost. yong would not really call it lost. they were a bit misplaced, indeed, but not lost. patrol or scouting parties just didn’t usually take the road - if it could be called that - they were on due to, well, violent groups hanging around in the woods. 

that was mostly at night time though. and while the sun was slowly setting, what they feared for the most was any infected.

“where to?” byul would ask her once or twice every thirty minutes or so. the leader - if in her mind she could still be called one - would do what she could to trace down clues previous groups had left behind on trees to mark the way back to the compound. 

it worked once every five tries. this one was one of them. 

“that way.” the slightly-shortest one said, pointing to her left, deeper and deeper into the woodlands. 

they traveled in silence, which was something not too uncommon for them. byulyi did love to ramble about things not even she was sure about sometimes. her day, her job, the gossip around the village, her friends, the world out there. but other times they would walk around the shelter in silence. either day or night, they’d take comfort in each other’s presence and no words needed to be exchanged so they could feel whole. 

that unspoken thing they shared. 

so maybe that was why yongsun was surprised when the other woman spoke. “are you okay?” 

it was a soft question. not asked in the sarcastic tone she used when yongsun danced like an idiot in the kitchen to some Chakra tunes blasting from her beloved and only working speaker. it was gentle. it was concerned. it was everything that byulyi only showed her during intimate moments like this. 

everything that went unspoken between them. 

yong could only nod with a faint smile on her lips. she knew it was a lie. byulyi knew it was a lie too. they knew each other too much not to decipher such an easy falsehood. but byul also knew that whenever yong lied, it was because she wanted to avoid the subject for however long it took her to process it. 

a hand took another with care, fingers intertwining. yongsun let byulyi lead the way. she couldn’t take on the task after what had happened. she’d lost people in the past, she had. but never at her expense. never because she’d been daydreaming like a stupid middle schooler with some crush. 

time had taken a toll on her, and so had byulyi. 

tears rolled down her cheeks and the temporal-leader of the party of one traveling through the forest pretended not to notice. yong would only sniff meekly from time to time, and byul would turn around to wipe the newly formed tears in her eyes with calloused thumbs as smoothly as she could. then, they would be on their way again. 

⋉⋇⋊

a cave would have to serve as their shelter for the night. it was too dark to keep going and byul swore she heard footsteps too close to them to feel safe. they knew those gangs raided nearby shops and villages like theirs at the darkest time of the night. they moved swiftly through the trees, quiet as a deer but deadly as a tiger. 

chances would not be taken. not again. so a cave would do. it was small and deep. they had to crouch in order to crawl in but they both were able to fit comfortably enough. it was humiliating if anything, yongsun thought, to go from years of shooting masses of infected from a watchtower to hiding in the dirt like a scared rabbit. 

the apocalypse could do really crazy things to one’s stability, she figured. 

moonbyul puffed as she tried to switch positions and lay on her back against the hard ground. it had started raining outside and they could only hope that the water wouldn’t make its way in and soak them both. the last thing they needed after today was a cough. 

it was until then that yong realized how close they really were in the enclosed space. it should’ve felt claustrophobic. not that one could allow oneself the privilege of having such phobias during the end of the world, but being with moonbyul made the rest of their surroundings disappear into thin air. 

“come here.” byulyi said. commanded. asked. she didn’t even know anymore. earlier it had been an order so they could both live. now, it was a plea. 

drowsy, yong allowed her body to finally relax and fall next to byulyi’s. her body fell limp, her muscles started to tremble, she felt hot and cold at the same time, and tears started to flow again. 

the youngest could definitely feel the salted water soaking her favorite blue shirt. yong knew it because she felt arms wrap around her middle, pulling her closer until she rested in the crook of byul’s neck. usually it was the opposite, byulyi choosing to play needy and cling to yong like a koala through most of the night. 

now it was yong’s turn to be held. it was so odd for her to be in this position that the realization only made her cry harder, sob louder, shake frantically. the sound of the storm outside hid any sorrowful cry coming from inside the hiding spot, and it made yongsun so happy because she didn’t think she would be able to stop even if it wasn't raining. 

except she did. a kiss was pressed to the top of her head. her hair was smelly, she knew so, but byulyi didn’t care. the hand around her shoulders now hugged her tighter, thumbs caressing the now loosened muscles in her left arm. 

“it was not your fault.” byul whispered with the same amount of care she’d asked her if she was okay just earlier. 

yong could only sigh. “it was. i was not paying enough attention. i should have been keeping guard.” 

“but you were not. that was not your job. that was tae-woo’s job.” 

“yes, but i was the leader. i was supposed to make sure they-” 

“you  _ are  _ our leader, yong. you can’t try to hold yourself responsible for everything that goes wrong in a mission.” 

“i’m not really sure i can stay i’m a leader anymore.” she mumbled as she fell into slumber slowly. 

_ you are,  _ was the last thing she heard before falling asleep. 

⋉⋇⋊

the sound of leaves being rustled in the distance was what woke her up. light shone brightly in the entrance of the cave, and yong jumped to her feet completely forgetting about the small cave. some rocks and dirt collided right on her forehead, an impact that sent her back to her previous position. 

“someone’s awake.” a voice joked in the distance. 

“urgh. why didn’t you wake me up? did you keep watch all night?” 

moonbyul came into view, crouching as to not suffer the same destiny as the eldest. her eyes were sleepy, bags starting to form underneath them after a sleepless night. despite the hard effects on her, she only shrugged the matter off. “you needed to rest.” 

“so did you.” there was no point in arguing with byulyi though. yong was well aware of it. it was like trying to make a point to a wall. it was like arguing with her own stubborn self. with a defeated whine, the woman sat up more slowly now. “what are you doing?” 

“collecting herbs. i think wheein mentioned they needed some at the medical bay. there are plenty in this cave if you dig deep enough.” a bag full of fresh green herbs was placed right in front of her eyes. 

yong couldn’t help but roll them. “don’t take them all out. let others grow in case we need more in the future.” 

“i’m not planning to come back here if you ask me.” 

“not even if i asked you to come with me?” 

there it was. it was odd for yongsun to turn all greasy on byulyi, but sometimes she enjoyed some revenge towards the insufferable flirt opposite to her. she still felt guilty. she still felt sad. but the way byul’s cheeks blushed brightly in an adorable red color made her forget the grief for a few seconds. 

a mocking chuckle left her lips for the first time in what felt like forever. byul tried to hide her face by crawling deeper into the cave and past yongsun, who was still laughing. 

“shut up. you know i would.” she murmured to herself but it echoed in the walls of the cave. the groan that followed also did the same to her complete bashfulness.

yong stopped laughing, finally, and decided to also try to hide her cheesy smile while checking both of their backpacks. everything was still in there. the supplies they’d managed to find. ammo. knives. food. it was as if nothing had ever happened. 

remembering, the smile disappeared from yong’s lips. “we should go. we’re not too far away from the village.” 

“yeah. i’ll be right there.” moonbyul called back. she was digging now more into the cave, an unexplored dark area that they had failed to take notice of the previous night in the middle of their escape. 

more herbs meant more material for wheein to work with in the laboratory. the blonde was well aware of that and knew why byulyi had an urge to collect as many as possible. they meant medicine, natural remedies for whatever sickness some sleep and hot broth couldn’t cure. it meant hyejin finally getting better and going back to the dances they enjoyed having once a month in the local bar. 

it was all so stupid. dances, bars, fun in general while being surrounded by death and destruction. it was the only way they could cope with it all, though. all of their losses. all of their pain. all of their grief. the little moments they spent with one another took over those terrible memories for a little while and they felt unbroken, the four of them. 

they made her feel like that. 

byulyi specially. 

byulyi that was so stupid but so smart. so adamant but so complaisant. so unnerving but so lovely. so perfect but so flawed. 

byulyi was everything. 

an everything that could be taken away at any given moment and evaporate, leaving nothing but longing and regret behind. 

that is why yongsun didn’t hesitate when moonbyul screamed out her name in fear in the back of the cave. when the hand of an infected came dragging itself up from being under the earth for god knows how long at the smell of byul. when the hand then transformed into an arm and then into a full emerging, decaying corpse of what used to be a woman, nose gone, one eye hanging from its socket, skin the palest she had ever seen. 

the damned corpse had her by the foot, trying to pull her into that half-buried body. byul tossed and kicked at the infected to no avail. getting close to it would mean the  _ thing  _ would be able to bite her shin or her thigh. anything that was near that mouth that had maggots crawling out. 

with a swiftness she hadn’t felt in years, yongsun reached into byul’s backpack and took a large knife out. without fear, yong approached the disgusting creature that didn’t do more than hiss at her without letting go of byul’s black boot. 

the blonde pulled her by the little hair the infected had left and gave her one stab. two. three. four. five. six. the hand stopped yanking at byul’s foot as it dropped motionless to its side. 

blood, brains and pieces of skull flew everywhere. 

seven. eight. nine. ten. 

“yong.” she heard byulyi whisper from behind. 

eleven. twelve. thirteen. 

“yong.” closer now. a hand on her back, comforting. 

_ i'm alive. you didn't lose me. _

it was deader than it had been before. skull gone. face gone. head gone. hands bloody. shirt ruined. worms climbing up her arms. 

_ good.  _

“not a leader my ass.” byulyi said followed by something that was either a hum of approval or a sigh of relief. 

⋉⋇⋊

the walk back to the compound was uneventful. the men had been looking for them at night. their traces around the place they’d been hiding in gave that away. they were just glad they had decided to hide instead of moving ahead. 

sometimes patience was better than impulsivity. byulyi had learned that from yong years ago, and now yong had learned it back. 

the village mourned their murdered comrades. the feeling of guilt remained in yong’s heart for the following days. wheein tended to her wounds in the infirmary. she hadn’t even noticed that a bullet had grazed her arm. a few stitches worked magically, mainly because it was done by wheein. 

byulyi bragged about the herbs that she’d gotten for her in the darkest, deepest cave with twenty infected coming at her at once. wheein had only rolled her eyes with a knowing smirk on her lips. hyejin just asked the doctor next to her to please give her something to go back to sleep so she wouldn’t have to listen to byul’s dumb-ass for the next few hours. 

she felt wholesome again. guilt still gripped her heart. doubt of not being good enough engulfed her mind. despair for how much had been lost and how little had been gained consuming her body. 

and yet, days later, when she heard wheein laugh in the middle of the bar at a jumping byul that had just been kicked in her wounded leg by an annoyed but joyful hyejin, she couldn’t help but feel happy inside again. 

at least for a moment. 

she would think everything and nothing at the same time. doubt would consume her but clarity would too. sadness would devour her but so would happiness. fear would drain her but so would bravery. 

feelings were not linear, yong realized with a drink in hand, especially not in a post-apocalyptic world scenario where she happened to be in love with her best friend. 

she would feel so much one day and so little on the other. some days she would feel a mix of everything and the world would come crashing down on her. but byulyi would always be there. just like she was as she hopped her way to her near the large bartender table that some of her friends had built for  _ important survival  _ purposes. 

“you probably deserved it.” yongsun said before the short-haired girl could even open her mouth. 

“it hurt.” 

“i hope it did.” 

“not enough to not ask you for a dance, though.” 

_ ugh.  _

so insufferable. 

she would risk her life, absolutely everything, for moonbyul without hesitation at any given moment. 

it still didn’t take away the fact that she was insufferable. 

but still, she found herself circling byulyi’s neck with her hands, arms resting on the other woman’s strong shoulders. a blush threatened to expose her when byul’s hands held her by the waist, bringing them closer, bodies touching, breathing the same air.

byul’s fingers toyed with her loose white sweater on her sides. it tickled, so she leaned in to rest her head on moonbyul’s shoulder, cheek-to-cheek. 

her face flushed as well. yong could feel the warmth emanating from it. she managed to hide a shy smile, thankfully, and she knew that byul had as well. 

the music was slow and so was their dancing. the people around disappeared just like the cave had days before. 

only the two of them existed. 

only the two of them mattered. 

only the two of them knew the unspoken words. 

they didn’t need to say it. 

they both knew.


	2. bravery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “well, how are you holding up?” 
> 
> a shrug. “what do you mean?” 
> 
> “you two can’t live without each other.” 

their house. it had stopped being yong’s house only a long time ago. a few months back byulyi would occasionally crash on her couch - or her bed - for a night or two and then she’d be on her merry way back home only to come back on the weekend. sometimes it’d be the other way around. 

it wasn’t until recently that byulyi stopped leaving. 

boxes full of her belongings would pile up near the main door causing yong to fall flat on the floor. her clothes would mix up with yong’s in the only closet they had. the piano that the eldest owned had acquired a new musical mate with a guitar carefully propped up on its side, a hamster sticker on the back. 

even byul’s dog had joined them. daebak would bark at yongsun a lot at first. it turned out that it wasn’t because he didn’t like her but because it was his own way of asking to be taken outside to relieve himself. yongsun ended up learning that after three accidents inside the house. 

it all should make her feel overwhelmed and frustrated. they had never really sat down to talk about their ideas, their arrangements and their final decision. living together was supposed to be a difficult thing to do, especially in the middle of an apocalyptic world. but it wasn’t. 

despite the many hours byulyi and yong would spend together before and after their daily chores, they would still miss one another when they were apart. like when byul was helping the locals with expanding the outer wall south while yong was out in patrol. 

the strangest one was when yong was in the house with a day off but the youngest was helping at the stables. she was home, yongsun analyzed, comfortable with a cold breeze entering the open windows, a newly acquired book on her lap and daebak curled up with her on the couch. 

so why did it feel like something missing? 

with a groan, the blond woman tossed the book on the coffee table and leaned back. 

“i’m so stupid.” 

“i can’t argue with that.” a familiar voice came from the kitchen. it startled her. 

after the  _ incident  _ with her group at the pharmacy months ago - which they agreed not to mention ever again - yongsun had set her mind and full strength on improving her skills at survival. sharp hearing was one of those. 

her performance in patrols and scavenging had been one of the best ones in years. that was until a certain black-haired moon came into view. 

“when did you get back?” yong asked as she tried to regulate her voice.  _ don’t sound surprised. don’t sound surprised. _

“surprised?” 

_ goddammit. _

“no. just tired.” 

“of what? sleeping and trying to take my dog away from me?” byulyi joked as she emerged from the kitchen, glass of freshly made lemonade in hand. her oversized button-up turquoise shirt that fell down to her mid-thighs was smudged, her pants were ripped, and her short hair was greasy with the sweat that ran down her forehead. 

she still looked so damn  _ good.  _ it made yongsun internally groan again in hatred towards herself. 

daebak only moved to curl himself closer to yong, as if to prove a point to his owner. byulyi feigned indignation. 

“how was work?” 

“same as always.” byul made her way to the coffee table, placing the discarded book on the floor so she could sit on it, right across her eldest. “horses are fine. yours, jjing jjing, was a bit fussy. he misses you.” 

“he can’t spend one day without going outside the compound. he hates rest.” 

“sounds like someone i know.” the lemonade looked cold enough with the ice cubes swimming in it as byulyi drank some. it was the only productive thing yong had managed to do the entire day and she hadn’t even tried it. 

they fell into comfortable silence. the breeze blew harder than before as the sound of thunder echoed through the walls. the noise made daebak finally move from his position and to byulyi’s feet as she closed the open window. 

“any new patrols ahead?” 

“in a few days.” yongsun replied as she stretched as much as she could in the worn-out couch. she’d found it in a library a little bit too far away from the perimeter for comfort. still, she’d bribed hyejin with some fish cakes that’d last her for a month so she could help her bring it. 

“hmm.” was the only response that she got back for a minute or two, as her friend -  _ friend?  _ \- moved through the house to make sure everything was shut before the storm hit. the domesticity of it all made her feel funny inside. 

it’s not like it was weird at all. wheein and hyejin would also spend some of their days together. there were also a few people like them in the town of damyang. whatever being like  _ them  _ meant. 

it seemed like they were still dancing around something that was unspoken, albeit perhaps getting closer to the core of it all. they both knew what it was. it didn’t need to be said but yongsun still wanted to hear it. wanted to hear herself saying it.

her train of thought was rudely interrupted by moonbyul unceremoniously flinging herself over the couch, making a perfect landing on top of yong.

“gross! you haven’t even showered!” yongsun tried to get up but byulyi was heavier than she was, so she settled for tossing around in annoyance.

giggles were her answer for a moment until the youngest on top of her ventured and sniffed her neck. “it smells like you haven’t either, yong.” 

“urgh.”

god, she hated when she did that. 

and yet, yong found herself running her fingers through byulyi’s dark hair while the other cuddled her, head still resting in the crook of her neck, hands on yong’s sides. 

“i think i’d like to go out on patrol again.” 

“are you sure?” their voices had turned into whispers that not even the rain that had started to pour down outside could drown. 

the  _ incident  _ was byul’s first and last patrol. true, she’d been able to get yongsun out of there in one piece as a leader, but in the process she’d forgotten to care for herself. what followed was sleepless nights, nightmares, even when she was awake, and a worrisome lack of eating. 

yong had been too used to everything on the outside. she had been a leader for a long time now. as ugly as the outside world was, she always did a good job at dealing with it and forgetting. moonbyul wasn’t like her. as tough as she could be outside damyang and kill hundreds, the mere thought of her actions and the threats in the outside world would make her crumble once she was back to safety, once her adrenaline ran out.

the last mission, the effects of not losing already dead people but living friends, had taken a toll on her once they had returned to the compound.

the weight on top of her made yong feel a bit at ease. in the end, wheein had helped her to get byul eating what she needed again. it took months but it seemed like the woman was on her way to getting better. 

she’d feel safer with yong around. calmer. she’d told her so once after emptying a box full of sneakers. 

it made yongun’s insides tickle, so she kicked her in the shin because of it. 

“i’m sure, yong.” 

with a sigh, the eldest nodded. “okay.” she whispered. “i’ll come with you.” 

“no.” it was more of a murmur than anything more, taking into account how close her lips were to yong’s neck. the realization made her cheeks flush a bit. “i want to do it by myself.” 

another nod, this one more hesitant. “okay. i’ll wait for you here, then.” 

“as if you have another choice.” moonbyul said followed by a hoarse chuckle, something that earned her a poke in the ribs. 

it didn’t stop raining the whole night. daebak went to sleep under their bed. byul and yong decided to finally take a bath. together. because that’s what friends like them did. 

⋉⋇⋊

the day byulyi was up for patrol was a slow one. she was going to be out for two days. they were on horse but the group needed to get rid of some stragglers that had been spotted near the river, too close for comfort. 

the early morning before the woman left, yongsun made sure to pack enough food for a week, clothes, ammo, and her notebook. 

“how am i supposed to even walk around with this thing on my back?” byul complained. she knew she’d complain. 

“shut up.” ordered the eldest in a kind voice, smile threatening to emerge on her lips. while moonbyul was dressed and ready to go, the blond was still in her nighty, slippers, and messy hair. 

her hands went to the backpack’s straps to make sure they were tight, the pockets to make sure they were sealed, and the lower compartments to make sure they were full. after two more checks, her eyes came to meet byulyi’s again. 

they were gentle, and full of something she was not quite able to put her finger on. in the dark they still shone like the stars that were still up in the sky at the time. no matter how many times yong would fall asleep and wake up to them, she could never get tired of the view. 

a heavy knock on the door interrupted their silence. 

_ “time to go!”  _

worry crept into her body again. byul must have noticed for she leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. 

“i’ll be back.” she whispered. 

“yes.” yong nodded. “you better.” 

⋉⋇⋊

“wasn’t she supposed to be back in two days?” 

“the rain delayed them for two more.” there was a time when rain was her favorite. now she hated it. 

“well, how are you holding up?” 

a shrug. “what do you mean?” 

“you two can’t live without each other.” 

“you can’t live without wheein either.” 

“yes.” the way hyejin admitted to it so easily while throwing the dice amazed her. “see how easy it is? just as easy as me beating you for the third time.” 

annoyed, yongsun decided to dramatically flop herself on the floor. hyejin only reacted so she could steal the other woman’s mug full of hot chocolate.

_ it’s cold.  _ the blond thought miserably. having byul around so they could snuggle under thick blankets in search for warmth would be perfect at times like these.

not that she didn’t appreciate hyejin’s company. well, after begging her to hang out with her for a few days the young girl had finally conceded, albeit after wheein had had to pick up a double shift at the medical bay to cover for one of her friends. 

still, yong appreciated the company, especially during these trying times.

“trying times? you’re starting to sound like a widow.” 

_ fuck.  _

“how did-” 

“um-” hyejin explained as she chewed on the stolen cookies that had been previously lying on yong’s side of the coffee table. “you think out loud when you’re pining.” 

“i’m  _ not  _ pining.” 

the sarcastic eye-brow raise she got as a response only made her angrier. “i’m not.” she repeated. 

“you know, the quicker you two admit your feelings for one another the easier this will be on all of us. seeing you like this makes me nauseated.” the dice was thrown once again, signaling the start of a new round that the eldest would surely lose once more. 

conflicted, yong couldn’t do more than roll her eyes and continue playing. 

hyejin was right.

both her and moonbyul were aware. had been for a long time now. 

they fought and killed mutated monsters that wanted to rip them to pieces but were not brave enough to face this unsaid thing between them. 

it all made her feel more irked. 

“i hate you.” she mumbled under her breath, not exactly meaning it. 

“and i-” the maknae paused before defeating yongsun again. “love your cookies.” 

⋉⋇⋊

there weren’t many people around to be surprised at just how  _ fast  _ yong was running across town. it was late after all. midnight, most likely, judging by the clear sky with the stars her and byul would occasionally lie down to gaze at in her backyard. 

good. if someone saw her in her current state she was sure she would’ve been stopped and detained. probably even sent to the medical bay for close examination on whether or not she was turning into an infected.

that’s where she was headed, ironically, but not because she felt sick. 

byul’s party had returned from their long mission. or that’s what hyejin had told her after she almost gave her a heart attack, almost knocking out her kitchen window in order to get inside. 

yongsun knew moonbyul had returned as soon as it had stopped raining. the fact that she was at the infirmary was something that hyejin had left to tell until the end though, too busy playing with daebak. without letting her finish, the blond had jumped through the same window hyejin used to come in and ran. 

“where is she? where is she? where. is. she?!” 

confused nurses and the few doctors that damyang had to spare stared at her with wide eyes. 

_ tone down the dramatism, maybe.  _

the awkward moment was gratefully interrupted by wheein. she’d doubtlessly heard yongsun’s crazy screams from the far end of the improvised hospital, judging by how embarrassed she looked as she made her way towards her. 

“it’s getting really hard to pretend i don’t know you.” the shortest said with a fake smile as her colleagues slowly took their attention away from the pair. 

“where is moonbyul?” 

“third room to the right. why? she’s - yong! wait!” 

with no hesitation, the blond started to run again. 

“they’re going to call security on you! ugh.” wheein’s screams drowned in the background the farther she sprinted. with a heavy push, she managed to get the door open to reveal a black-haired, thin woman lying on the bed. 

she was still wearing the same clothes she’d put on the day she left. her hair was the same length. her eyes still looked like they could hold entire galaxies in them. her lips appeared to be as soft as they always had been. her hands - 

“yong?” an understandably confused byulyi asked. 

“what happened? were you bitten? is it broken? did you get burnt? did you get stabbed?” 

byul’s right hand was tightly wrapped in bandages with two metal bars sticking out. the rest of her looked fine, completely healthy, as if she’d never put a foot outside of the settlements. 

“do i look like i want to bite you right now?” she joked with a teasing smirk.

_ do you?  _ yong wanted to ask but there would be more time for stupid banter later on. 

“what happened, byul?” 

“she slipped and fell while they were coming down a hill. she dislocated her wrist. nothing major.” wheein said from the door, arms crossed.

the pair were able to discern two men walking out of the building, most likely the security wheein warned yongsun about. she’d have to thank her for that later. 

“i was going to turn this into a cooler story than that!” byulyi complained in the back. the bed under her shook as her feet trashed on it in one of her childish tantrums.

the action only made wheein laugh. “fine. you faced a horde of over twenty and you fought your way through just so you could save a kitten from drowning.” 

with a sigh, byul gave a thumbs up with her only functioning hand. “way better.” 

the roller-coaster of emotions that yong had experienced in just a few minutes was driving her to a tipping point. from relief to worry, to despair, to embarrassment, to fear, to realization, to bravery. it all made her dizzy, as if her body was not functioning on her own accord. 

the thought of having lost or have byulyi gravely injured made the view of her soulmate sitting on the bed, smile on her lips, nose-muscles showing, eyes shining, drive her to a breaking point. 

_ soulmate.  _

maybe that’s what it was. 

she could only register byul’s curious stare as she approached her bed, entire body numb, moving under the control of anything but her brain telling her to  _ stop  _ because neither of them wanted to jump into any of this. not yet. not during a period of time in history when they could lose each other so easily. 

maybe that’s why they’d been dancing around it for so long. 

fear.

so in that moment, yongsun decided to be brave. 

sitting next to byul, the blond wasted no time in taking the other woman’s face in both of her hands and crashing their lips together in a tentative kiss. 

it wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. making out was perhaps one of their favorite activities before bed, after breakfast, before and then after work. 

kissing byulyi was the nearest she would be to touching heaven. she’d known that anyone else that would try to kiss her would be completely ruined since the very first time byulyi kissed her in the woods as they were hunting. both younger. both as equally stupid. 

“ew.” they ignored wheein and the door clicking shut behind them. 

the goofy smile that byul had on her after they drew apart, foreheads pressed together, only gave yongsun the last amount of courage she needed. 

“what was that for?” 

“i love you.” yong said in a rushed whisper. as if the words would die out in her throat if they weren’t out as soon as she opened her mouth. 

byul didn’t seem surprised in the least. nor shocked. nor confused. 

“you’re dumb.” she snorted. before the eldest could reproach on her lack of romanticism, she continued. “i love you too.” 

if kissing byulyi felt like touching heaven then hearing those words from her certainly felt like being in paradise. 

“scooch.” 

she was careful not to make byulyi move around too much. no matter how much of a tough act she pretended to put on, she could still see how she winced in pain with the little movement she made. once there was enough space for her to lie down, she cuddled next to the dark-haired woman. 

order restored. 

hyejin was right. it wasn’t really that difficult. 

turns out she’d gained something new with byul, but lost all of her hot coco to hyejin. 

it was worth it though. despite of what was happening outside of damyang’s walls, her world was perfect for just a little moment. 

“yong. i found two more corgis. i asked sandeul to take them home for me while i stayed here for the night.” 

she loved her. 

she truly did. 

she would make sure to give her hell for this in the early morning. 

for now, she only snuggled impossibly closer to byul, a peaceful smile appearing on her lips. 

“good.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am 100% aware that i said i wouldn't write a chapter 2 for this one but this is my post apocalyptic world and there's going to be fluff in it and friendship and love and nobody is going to die bc i say so. 
> 
> or
> 
> i am once again emotionally destroyed by the last of us 2 and wanted to write something cute. also, pls look forward to my other two fics bc i'm planning on updating them anytime soon. 
> 
> anyway, thank u for reading my weak attempt at trying to fix my mental and emotional health <3

**Author's Note:**

> the last of us part 2 absolutely wrecked me so here we are. i know i have to update the queens and i promise i will as soon as i get my inspiration back. for now, i just wanted to write something inspired by the last of us. especially something as badass as moonsun in a zombie apocalypse. yong would make them all survive, come on. anyway, thank you for reading. i've been trying some new things and i hope they show. apologies for any mistake since it's a bit late and english is not my first language. 
> 
> twitter is @elliesiljido in case anyone wants to become moots


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